oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
