Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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