if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize