I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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