Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
