i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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