yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
