a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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