so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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