it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
