She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
