its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
