I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
