If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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