she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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