then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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