Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
