I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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