weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
