So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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