I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
