Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
