I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
