so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
