Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your penis caused this!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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