so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
