I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
