Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
