he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
