I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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