Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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