I cockslap morals
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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