I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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