Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
