It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
