I wish I only lived at night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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