Jerry, you need to find god
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
