i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
