I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
jump out the window naked night went bad
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