apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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