neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
