watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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