just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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