Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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