When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
