He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize