I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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