Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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