I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize