I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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