She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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