Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
