he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
