Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
