then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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