Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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