I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you win again, gameday.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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