sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
