I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
