Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
