I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sex in a hospital.. check
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
