i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
