i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize