I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up under a house in Key West
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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