What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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