How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
