note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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