Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
