If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
