Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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